Rain Rain, Go Away

So With it being a rainy blurry day I thought I would share a few things with you.  Some make you laugh some make you cry.

Today is Friday, TGIF right?  Not!!!!!  Today I worked my tail off the 5th day in a row.  Today I also had a split shift.  I work 30 hours a week, leaving no time to relax and  enjoy life.  That isn't what my mother would have wanted, but I guess I will take what I can get.  I am so tired this week.  I don't remember falling asleep last night, or even walking up the steps to my bedroom.  When my alarm went off this morning I was a little mad at it and buried it in the giant stack of blankets on the bed.  I don't really remember much about today, other than the fact that I am really tired.  I work tomorrow and have off one day before I do it all over again. 

No sleeping in on Sunday either, going to church of course.  Plus Sunday marks the tenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on New York and the Pentagon.  It will be a sad day of remembrance for most and others will be oblivious to the actual meaning of the day.  Those people would be children who don't really know anything about it.  I have to tell you, I am actually kinda tired of hearing about it.  That is all that I have heard this week is stories about it.  I personally have been to Ground Zero and yes it does have a ghostly appeal to it.  When I went there were still building missing windows from the blast.  I am sorry to all of the families that lost loved ones and friends in the attacks.  My question to my readers is do you remember where you were and what you were doing when all of this happened 10 years ago?  If you want to share, write it in a comment at the bottom of the page please,  I would love to read about it!

               
The funny thing that I am going to tell you may be dry humor for you....its a lifeguard thing.  Today a member came in and did his usual swimming.  Now when this person swims on his back he opens his mouth to catch the water and then spits it out.  Kinda gross I know.  You don't have to watch it.  Anyway.  Every time he would do that today he would have to stop and cough up the water because he would basically start to swallow the water.  And about half way down the length of the pool he stopped all together, swimming, opening the mouth, all of it and stood there.  You could see the puzzled look on his face as he tried to figure out why that was happening!!!!!  Too funny!  I wanted to tell him that if he closed his mouth he wouldn't have a problem, but I couldn't .  Sorry, Boss if you are reading this, I am sorry I just had to share it because it made my day!

So that is all that I have to share with you for now.  I am off to go watch my old high school's football team loose again in order to support my brother and the best band in the state!  Catch you all later

a month later......

Its official. My mom passed away a month ago today. Its been a long hard and trying day for everyone in my family. Only time will heal all wounds I have been told. Right now we are just beginning this process. We will see where this will lead us from here. I got my sign today...I think. I apologize if there are any mis-spellings, for I am using my wii for this post. See you all on the other side of tomorrow!

Memory in Gooey Chocolate

I got home from work and we shared our days over a dinner of left-over pot roast.  Yum.  We start doing the dishes together, while Ryan does something on the computer and Dad looks at me and says..."Brownies?"  I said sure.  No problem.  So I got all of the ingredients out as Dad went in the bedroom and Ryan to his room to practice the trumpet. 

As I am putting all of the ingredients in the bowl and start to mix it together, I start thinking about all of the memories I have of my mother and her famous brownies. 

My mom was the brownie queen.  For all of my parent weeks for dance she made brownies for all of the kids and parents in my classes.  She made them for every single trip for me and Ryan with the choir and band.  She was famous for them.  All of my friends were hooked, she made the best brownies in town.

I can remember helping put the chocolate chips in the batter, crushing the walnuts as we went. I can remember helping to stir the batter with her behind me guiding my hands, careful enough not to spill it.  I can remember the batter fights we used to have and being the first one's to take the first bite.  I can remember staying up late to get every batch done and ready to go for the morning.  I can remember how she smelled of melted chocolate after we were finished.  And while we waited for them to bake we would take the beaters from the blender and licking them clean.

I could picture it all.  oh wait, they are done.  They aren't my mother's but they are a close second best.  They will never be as good as hers, because she never told me her secret ingredient.  But that is ok, because for the first 23 years of my life I had them their waiting for me when I got home, or did something worth justifying making a pan of them.  These are some of my happy memories.  I am glad to share them with you, and I am glad that I have them to cherish for the rest of my life. 

Dog Gone-it

It is amazing the joy a dog can bring to your life.  Even more amazing what two can bring.  I have two dogs, one is Roxi (right) and is t10 the other is Brooklyn (left) and is 3.  Let me give you a little history behind the two of them.

Roxi was born June 1, 2001.  One of my dad's coworker's dogs had a liter of puppies and asked if anyone wanted them.  Dad and another co-workers said yes.  So he brought in two of them.  Dad got first pick because Dad has known him longer.  As dad walked past the box, Roxi popped her head out of the box.  All day she, as dad put it "flirted" with him.  Dad knew immediately which one he wanted.  So he brought her home.  My next door neighbor let her dogs run and every once in a while, Brooklyn would come into our yard and play with Roxi.  One day in the middle of winter Brooklyn was on our deck.  Now its like below freezing.  So we as a family decided to let her in to warm up, feed her and give her some water.  Roxi took to her like they were long lost sisters.  A few weeks later we found out that she was picked up, once again and that her owner had no intention of getting her out.  Brooklyn was scheduled to be euthanized within 24 hours.  We were really upset by this so we contacted the Humane Society and told them that we were interested in adopting her.  They told us that if the owner didn't release custody there was nothing that could be done.  So we called and called and called, but she was on vacation.  And finally we got a hold of her, after like 5 hours of calling, and begged her to release Brooklyn.  And she did.  We adopted her and picked her up the next day.  They had to giver her her shots and spay her.  Brooklyn was born in March of 2008.  We aren't really sure of the day.


Ever since then she has been a part of this family.  Because of her Roxi's health has increased, she lost a large amount of weight, and added several years of life to her.  We are so grateful for her.  But this is about the joy that they bring to our lives. 

Dogs do the funniest things some times.  Have you ever caught yourself giving your dogs voices because of the way they do things?  At my house we, as well the rest of my family, do.  Roxi does this thing where she puts her head on Brooklyn and barks at her, just to let her know that she is there and still in charge.  Brooklyn has a few things that she does.  She watches TV with you, has to be touching someone.  If you ignore her she will stare at you and start growling at you until you look at her.  Brooklyn can jump from my parents bed and land over half way down the hallway.  Roxi loved being down stairs in the cool and loves the shade outside because of her breed.  She is the perfect dog to have a snowball fight with, because she plays right along with you.


We feed both dogs around 5:30 for dinner.  Dad was in the bedroom watching TV, I was cleaning things up in my room, and Ryan was downstairs pretending to be doing the laundry.  Both dogs were in the kitchen begging at their food bowls.  The eventually came down the hall to Dad and Roxi laid down in front of the bathroom and peeked around the corner at dad and "sent" Brooklyn in to tell Dad that it was dinner time.  It was exactly at 5:30.  Its kinda funny the things that dogs do for our lives.


My dogs are probably the only ones that I can talk to without being judged.  They are great listeners, and amazing companions.  They can bring so much joy into our lives.  I am a dog person, not that I don't like cats, I am just allergic to them. 


If you are considering getting an animal for a little bit of company around the house, I highly recommend getting a dog.  They are great fun and once again, bring lots of joy to your world!

Missing You

All of the recent drama with certain people coming back into my life, things going on at home, and just life in general really makes me miss you.  I don't know why all of a sudden I feel this way, but I know that my Heart is empty with out you here physically in my life.  I don't have you to talk to or talk things out with.  I don't have your voice in my ear telling me what to do or what I need to believe. 

I really miss you.  Sitting here with music going isn't as enjoyable anymore.  I don't have my muse with me.  You are a spirit around me, in my head, my heart, in a metal vase in our house.  Not here.  I cried today watching LA Ink of all things, and that is because of the episode that it was.  It was from last season and just about everyone that came in were getting memorial pieces for their mothers, daughters, wives, sisters that had breast cancer and lost their battle.  I know that eventually you will be on me too.  Just like the rest of the people that wear their loved ones. 

I cannot believe how many times I have picked up the phone to call you and tell you about my day.  Or to talk to you about life.  I can't believe how many times I've looked up to the sky and yelled at the top of my lungs for you to hear my cry.  I am at a loss without you.  I know that you said that you are proud of me and that you told Ruthann that You raised me just how you wanted to.  I am Independent, and Strong and will survive without you...Not really seeing that...

This will be Ryan's First football game without you there in the stands cheering him on.  And what is really going to suck is that He will look for you and you won't be there.  And no one around will be the wiser.  I hope that I don't have to tell people if they ask about you.  I have about had my fill of it. 

I miss you so much and I wish you could be there with me tonight, but you aren't.  Not physically.  Spiritually.  I never go to share this song with you.  But this song is You and Dad.  Everything about you.  Terry is right on this one.  So Since I can't share it with you I will share it will share it with the world.

I love you Mom!

I'm Gonna Love You Through It

I have noticed over the past several days that my posts have, for a lack of words, really suck.  I am so sorry that you had to succumb to that. I have discovered that my mother was my muse for writing, and since her death I have not had much inspiration.   Hopefully from this point they will be better and less dry.  So lets get down to is shall we.

Today I rekindled a long lost relationship.  And because he is a reader, or hopefully will be, for the sake of confidentially lets call him John.  Out of the blue he asks to be my friend on facebook, so I tell him that as long as he likes my page for this blog I will accept him.  Then he decides to ask my friend Sara to tell me that he wants to talk.  I tell her fine as long as he calls me before 5:30.  He calls exactly at 5:20.  We start talking, small talk to start and then the heavy things, our relationship, life now, mom's death.  Then he says something that kinda made me mad. He mentioned something that frankly isn't really any of his business,  He had his shot and lot it.  So me being the emotional mess that I am may have gone off on him.  In all actuality, I was right, but I may have been a little harsh.  I guess whatever.  So he basically tells me that when I calm down and want to talk civilly to call him back, and hangs up on me.  Furiously I call him right back and say there is a reason that I am the way I am right now and if you want to understand why then call me, otherwise ya know, whatever.  He finally calls me back and apologizes for his actions and I explain mine. All is ok for now.  I don't really know what he is expecting from this but it won't go any farther than friends.  I am honestly tired of being played and I know that people who do that should be punished, and I am sure that one day they will.

That is probably the most drama I have had since I got back from Hays.  I have been back to work now for three days.  And I have to tell you, you never really realize what friendships you have with your co-workers until you leave for a while.  I missed talking about to them about all of the drama of our lives and the things that happen at The Y.  Its funny when you think about it because you are co-workers, not really friends, but if you have ever worked in a setting such as mine you would understand.  I got my 5 year service pin this week.  I cannot believe that I have worked for them for actually 7 years.  They don't make pins for 7 years of service.  I missed my job while I was away.  And it is a bittersweet thing because every once in while my mom would stop in and surprise me at work.  I loved that about her.  She always knew what to do when you were having a crappy day!  That I really miss.  Talking about her life and her death is a hard thing to do, and still only a fraction of the peoples lives that she touched know about her passing.  Not much I can do about that. 

Tomorrow is filled with editing, blogging, laundry, walking, working and chilling.  Tomorrow is also the first of four home games for the CHS Football team.  And my brother's first performance of Solaris for his senior year.  It will be a bittersweet moment for him as well as me.  It will be the first half time performance for him without mom there. 

This post is also a little musical.  My cousin Kaase, the founder of Glitter Girl Ministries sent me this music video.  I am a huge country fan, and had only heard this song once.  It is my Martina McBride and is called Im Gonna Love You Through It.  I hope you enjoy it.  It really touched my heart