Missing You

All of the recent drama with certain people coming back into my life, things going on at home, and just life in general really makes me miss you.  I don't know why all of a sudden I feel this way, but I know that my Heart is empty with out you here physically in my life.  I don't have you to talk to or talk things out with.  I don't have your voice in my ear telling me what to do or what I need to believe. 

I really miss you.  Sitting here with music going isn't as enjoyable anymore.  I don't have my muse with me.  You are a spirit around me, in my head, my heart, in a metal vase in our house.  Not here.  I cried today watching LA Ink of all things, and that is because of the episode that it was.  It was from last season and just about everyone that came in were getting memorial pieces for their mothers, daughters, wives, sisters that had breast cancer and lost their battle.  I know that eventually you will be on me too.  Just like the rest of the people that wear their loved ones. 

I cannot believe how many times I have picked up the phone to call you and tell you about my day.  Or to talk to you about life.  I can't believe how many times I've looked up to the sky and yelled at the top of my lungs for you to hear my cry.  I am at a loss without you.  I know that you said that you are proud of me and that you told Ruthann that You raised me just how you wanted to.  I am Independent, and Strong and will survive without you...Not really seeing that...

This will be Ryan's First football game without you there in the stands cheering him on.  And what is really going to suck is that He will look for you and you won't be there.  And no one around will be the wiser.  I hope that I don't have to tell people if they ask about you.  I have about had my fill of it. 

I miss you so much and I wish you could be there with me tonight, but you aren't.  Not physically.  Spiritually.  I never go to share this song with you.  But this song is You and Dad.  Everything about you.  Terry is right on this one.  So Since I can't share it with you I will share it will share it with the world.

I love you Mom!