My next several posts will be about the end of my mothers life. Its extremely heartbreaking to say. Yesterday the doctors told us that she has only 2 to 8 weeks left of life.
I as well as my father will be taking care of her until the end. I am not ready for this. I'm trying to be as strong as I can but inside I'm dying. I won't get to celebrate another birthday with her. I'm not ready to watch her wither away. Family is coming in to be here for her, and honestly them being here really makes reality real. I have been crying all day. I got to spend the day with her at the hospital today, and as she slept I could think of a thousand different things that I am really going to miss, for one her mumbling when she sleeps, and her obnoxious snoring. Her voice and her smell, her hand on my head, talking to her about my life. I won't get to do that any more.
I will be her care taker. I decided to take off this semester, who would be able to concentrate when there foundation dies anyway. This is going to be a hardest and most emotional short ride of my life, but also the longest. I know she has faith in my, she raised me to be just like her. But I don't have faith in myself. I'm not sure I will get through this. Who would anyway. I know that this will make me stronger, but right now I just don't see it. She is trying to hard, still fighting, still amazing, still my mother and no matter where life takes her she will always be.
I love you mom!!!
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